Why the Simpsons and getting tattooed are the best....

Let's face it people, the Simpsons just fucking rock.

 So don't be like Milhouse, come in and get tattooed by Lou. Guaranteed to be more fun than a Sideshow Bob murderfest!!

- Kirk Van Houten

 

Mr. Burns gives dry handjobs.

- random Springfield bystander 

       Worst tattoo shop ever!

- Comic Book Guy, general douchebag and nerd

Dude, every tattoo I got by Lou it fucking rocked man. 

-Snake Jailbird

(runs down the street after mugging interviewer)

                                                    

Spiralling Down The Holiday Drain

The holidays are fast approaching.

Xmas is waiting, crouching around that corner to pounce on us all with it's butt full of holiday cheer, and 2015 is right behind it.

Are you like me? Do you HATE shopping? Wandering the malls and shops with no clue.

I gots an easy solution. Stop by the wondrous winterland of Artisanal Tattoo and grab a gift certificate!

We are still running the insane special of and extra $20 tacked on for every $100 you spend. So for you mathletes, that's:

$100.00 = $120.00
$200 = $240.00

and on and on.

Don't worry, any amount of gift card you pickup someone is great. Giving the gift of a tattoo is such an excellent thing,  tattoos are a luxury item, they can be pricey, so a gift card helps that tattoo addicted maniac complete their piece, or can help someone who was dragging their feet on getting a tattoo.  

(I just sold one RIGHT NOW!)

Oh, and I'm also running a special, I'm selling $35.00 any piercing! How fucking cool is that? From you genitals to your eyeballs, what a deal!

And remember, any gift card you buy enters you into the grandest prize of all, a stocking filled with tattoo stuff, a $300.00 gift card and a free piercing!!


 

                                                      
                                                    HEY YOU GUYS!!


Are you cool enough?

Are you bad ass enough?

Do you want to win this super awesome stocking filled to the brim with cool stuff?

It's free to enter, just get tattooed or pierced by me, drop your name in the box, and you, yes you could win the stocking filled with loot!

Stuffed deep inside you will potentially find...

-cool stuff

-awesome stuff

-farts

-a free hour at Yestercades

-a gift card for a free piercing

-$50.00 tattoo gift card

-more farts

-toys, and so much more!!

Stop by Artisanal, I'm here every day cept' Monday & SAturday.

Noich,
Lou O'Caiside

 

We at Artisanal believe that Black Friday shouldn't only be the day after Thanksgiving... So with that thought in mind check out our Black Friday deal that goes on and on, until December 22nd!!!

Time to get piercings you BOHABS.

I cannot think of a better time....



......to come into the shop and get a brand new, nice as HECK piercing.

I just got in a whole shipment of goodies, new organic plugs, glass, metals, and some cool jewelry that just about doubled the amount of stock.

Time to upgrade suckas!

and some cool piercings to gawk at:

Lets do some tattoos...

Man, I love this time of year. Cool, crisp weather, Samhain blaring on the radio, hot coffee and hot chocolate...

...perfect time to come get some INK done sonz!!


Come down to the shop. We'll talk about cool stuff. I'll do a killer tattoo on you. There's a freakin ARCADE down the street from the shop.

Some new tattoos FER YER EYEBALLS TO LOOK AT!

Borderland: The Pre Sequel

FUCKING AWESOME. EXPLOSIONS!!

DEAD BANDIT CORPSES FLOATING IN SPACE AFTER YOU ANNIHILATE THEIR CORPSE WITH LASERS!!!

AND CLAPTRAP!!!

PEW PEW PEW DWEEEEDLEDEELLEEWHAAAAAAAA!!!

AHHHHH SO MUCH DESTRUCTION.


FRIEND ME, COME HELP ME WAGE DESTRUCTION ON ELPIS.

I'M ON USUALLY BETWEEN 9PM AND LATE, LATE, LATE!!! DWEEEEDDLEDUHDUNDUNDUNDUNDWEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!

Find me fellow Vault Hunters. XboxLive Gamertag

Lou Morgue

Back from Portland part 3: the Tifecta

So kiddies, I told you about the food of Portland. I told you about the convention.

Now I will tell you about the gaming.

Everywhere I looked there was evidence of gamers. Video game art, comics, tattoos. A small patch sewn into a backpack or a vintage NES shirt.

Downtown Portland is home to Ground Kontrol, an arcade/bar/place of awesomeness. I hit it up after the convention and it was packed! Two floors of classic arcade cabinets and pinball games, and they had some BAD ASS games! The place was packed but there were enough games so something was always available. There was a live DJ blasting 8 bit and chiptune remixes while everyone was playing. Such a good time, and I'm glad these places exist because there was a time I clearly remember that all arcades were almost extict like the mighty Sasquatch.

                                    DROKK IT! Playing Judge Dredd pinball!!


Across the street was an art installation, no fuck that, a TRAINING FACILITY FOR THE COMING ROBOT WAR OF 2084!!!

It's called the Church of Robotron. That's all I can say about the place. I have been swore in, gave an oath in blood and oil to protect the human masses from the metallic death machines. Go to their website. Do not hesitate, do not delay or you will be crushed under mechanized wheels like the other human sheep.

Go. Go forth and join. Hail! Hail! Hail and KILL...ROBOTS!!

One last adorable aside. On the Saturday of the convention right next door to the tattoo expo was the Portland Pet Expo. I HAD to go check it out, and pet as many fuzzy dogs, cats, ferrets, and one llama. There was so much cuteness I was in heaven.

 

What a dork. I just had to pose with this cat while wearing a cat shirt. So Meta! NERD.

Back from Portland Pt II

So enough about the food in Portland, sheesh, makes me look like all I did out there was eat. (well.....)

I did get a chance to visit the really cool zoo out there, and explored the cavernous Powell's book store, and perused the many thrift/vintage shops.  There were lots of neat art galleries, underground comic shops, toy stores, and little niche boutiques that I was fortunate enough to check out on my downtime.

It was a breeze to get around the city once you figure out how to use the colored train system. It made it easy to get back and forth from the hotel to the convention and get to the many downtown areas of Portland AND they ran late so you had time after the convention let out to do some stuff after a long day of tattooing.

To me, that was the worst aspect of the working vacation: the work part. I'll quickly sum it up. The convention was slow, it was not well attended, and a lot of browsing and not many people getting tattooed. I know being an out of state tattooist is always a gamble and I always manage to at least break even tattooing nerds and gamers, but I'll count this as a loss. Very minimal entertainment, and not many people buying stuff that artists were hocking.

                                                           BORED.

That was the part that killed me. Every booth had FANTASTIC drawings, art, prints, specials, and solid portfolios. Which for some reason equals talented tattooist sitting around.

LOU's TATTOO CONVENTION TIP #1 If you attend a convention, please PRINT out and bring the reference of the piece you want tattooed with you. Artists who travel do not have printers and we can't properly trace an intricate, even simple thing, FROM YOUR PHONE. Take a few minutes and make the effort, you will be rewarded with a killer tattoo and an appreciative tattoo artist.

It wasn't all bad, I had fun, I met a lot of really cool people, I tattooed a crazy Cholo who was cool as fuck, and people really seemed to dig the new portfolio and work. I brokered a couple of guest spots so I'll keep you suckers posted on that.

I wish I was a little busier and tattooed a little more, but it was cool to be part of the Northwest tattoo world for a weekend.

 

So I'm back from Portland...

So Portland was awesome. 

Hands down a city made for nerds and people who worship at the alter of food. I mean, the food was unbelievable, everywhere I ate be it a sandwich shop at 11 at night to an expensive Peruvian I took a chance on one night. There are places to eat everywhere you go, and real nice coffee shops dot the city as well. There was an area on 10th that was an entire city block of food stands that served up anything you were looking for; vegan BLTs, paleo grub, Greek, Mediterranean, Georgian, Indian, Thai, so much good crap to stuff my face with...and believe me, I did.

 Portland was also home to Sizzle Pie, the hard rockin' metalhead pizza place that Bill and Ted would call home. I used the tattoo convention as a front to really travel out here and consume as much Sizzle Pie pizza I could.

  
                                              DEATH TO FALSE PIZZA!

I don't mean to keep going on and on about the food but hell, I had waffles served by a bad ass punk chick outside a punk burlesque club, good food in Portland's Chinatown, and the tourist DESTINATION spot Voodoo Doughnuts. This place was was created by pervert stoners, with donuts like the "triple penetration" (chocolate with cocoa puffs) and the "Grape Ape" (fucking grape Kool Aid mixed with the frosting). Amazing.

                            Finishing off the Cock and Balls doughnut.

  

We are currently looking for a tattooist for part time shifts

Busy NJ tattoo studio seeks tattooist for part time shifts.

Are you a motivated, friendly, professional tattooist with a great attitude to match?

Artisanal Tattoo is looking to add a part-time tattooist to our staff. Artisanal is a high volume custom and walk-in shop and consistently busy year round.

Artisanal Tattoo opened its doors 6 years ago and has built a solid reputation for killer tattoo work and friendly atmosphere. The shop is located in the center of Somerville which has become a destination hotspot, loaded with cools stores and terrific restaurants.

 What Artisanal Tattoo is looking for:

• A well rounded tattooist, able to work in multiple tattoo styles
• A clean, professional portfolio.
• Friendly, motivated, professional in work ethics and appearance.
• Ability to communicate effectively with clients.

Requirements:

Minimum 5 years shop experience.

3 client referrals

Minimum of 2 professional work referrals

Documented proof of apprenticeship

Up to date Blood Borne Pathogen card

If interested please contact the shop to set up an interview.

Artisanal Tattoo

15A Division Street

Somerville, NJ

908-707-8000

Nerd Tattoos

I love doing them. I can talk for hours about all things nerd.

I will debate Star Wars.

I will discuss the confusion and plot holes of Michael Bay's Transformers.

I will talk about autistic E.T.

I am there for you, my nerds.

Until all are one.

Lou

Sa Sa Summer

Ok dweebs,

Summer is here.

It's hot, it's sandy, it's bloody.

Share in the fun and exposed flesh...come get tattooed and pierced!


Lou

Summer goings on

SUMMER is in full swing. We are busier than ever.

Division St. now has a Farmer's Market on Thursdays, right outside our doors so come by and eat some good stuff. Yak meat is available. Yes, Yak meat.

On Wednesday nights Division Street sets up a huge screen to show movies when it gets dark. Good stuff, Temple of Doom, Ghostbusters, Princess Bride for you nerds, so come, get inked and pierced, and stay for a unique outdoor drive in type experience.


Yestercades is officially open. Literally 50 ft from Artisanal's front door. I DARE you mofos to come down and challenge me. I will be sponsoring some Smash Bros. competitions in the future, so up yer skills suckas!

Lou

New artwork hanging on the walls......

They call to you. The madness compels you. The colors confuse, yet sooth. Come in the shop, gaze at these wonderful works of art painted by masted cheesesmith Ant. All are for sale, all will fill the hole that was left inside you when you ate that last cupcake.

WUB WUB WUB

Ok.

So I was on the fence about it for awhile. I've decided...I dig Skrillex and dubstep. I don't give a fuck. I love the music. I enjoy the noises and sound effects. Plus, the Dinobots created dubstep and brought it to Earth anyway. Actually Shockwave created it while killing time at the spacebridge and I know the Dinobots were created by the Autobots and Teletran-1 on Earth but who really gives a fuck. Nerds.

Plus, dubstep is Claptrap's favorite music anyway.

ACCCHHHH...THE SUNNNNNNNN

So bright outside.

What is this...warmth I feel.

Is that...THE SUNNNNNNNNN????

ACHHHHHHHHHH!!

Man it is NICE outside

The sun is shining, birds are poopin, the bugs are crawling out of their winter torpor to devour each other.

Time to get tattooed people. You know you want to show of some of that inked up skin this year. Now's the time before the Spring REALLY kicks in.

Some images to make you smile.

Leader of the Scumdogs has left this Mudball Planet

This sucks. First guitarist Corey Smoot, the human disguise of Flattus Maximus tragically passed away in 2011. Then fearless leader Dave Brockie, Oderus Urungus's human avatar passed away this week.
I have loved Gwar since a young and impressionable age, and have been a loyal Scumdog for many seasons, joining a second time even. I have seen Gwar live more times than you have eaten your boogers. I've been fortunate to have seen the Dave Brockie Experience and hung out with Dave and the dudes afterwards.

That's why it's especially sucky. Not only is GWAR an amazing band who continues to put album after album of awesome material, but a huge artistic influence, as well as the best live shows this shitty planet has even seen. Gwar personally represents all the good times hanging with friends rocking out to Gwar albums and watching the various movies and live dvds. I have so many crazy memories of seeing live shows with my maniac friends.

I don't know what the future holds for Gwar. I'm still reeling from the loss.

Farewell Scumdog, you didn't conquer planet Earth, but at least you got to smoke a lot of crack.

Glub

Hey you.

The shop is open.

Let's rock, F this snowstorm.

Grumble, Gromble

Grooooooo....cold...grofffff

Yeah....

Yeah it's cold....

Yeah, more snow....

More Wampas....